loosing your virginity

Losing your virginity can seem scary, and the range of myths surrounding it doesn't help. In most cases, though, penetrative sex should not be intensely painful, even on your first time. Here's how to mentally and physically prepare yourself.

Steps

Before Having Sex

1. 1
   Try to feel comfortable with your own sexuality. Most people fear the unknown, and it's easy to get anxious if you don't know what's coming. Feeling tense and nervous will put a damper on the experience, in addition to making your vaginal muscles clenched and more prone to pain. Instead of letting anxiety take over, try to find ways to relax and become educated beforehand so you feel confident in the moment. Here are some strategies to try:
   
   
   
   • Read up! Knowing exactly what goes where, what's normal, and what to expect can help ease a lot of your anxiety about having sex for the first time. Planned Parenthood, The American Academy of Pediatrics and Scarleteen are good places to start.
   • Know your body. Understanding your own anatomy can help you feel more confident, especially if your partner is also a virgin. It's important to figure out what you enjoy, so you can communicate that to your partner and ensure that you both have a good experience. Masturbation can help with this, or you can simply resolve to be communicative while you experiment with your partner — whatever you choose, try to pay attention to how you respond to different touches.
   • Approach sex with a positive attitude. When you lose your virginity is a personal choice. If you feel extremely guilty and stressed out at the prospect, maybe it's better to wait. If you've decided that this is what you want, though, then take steps to cast the experience in a positive light. Focus on making it an experience that brings you closer to your partner and gives you an opportunity for personal growth.
2. 2
   Take a trip to the drugstore. Buying a few items ahead of time can make losing your virginity a little easier. Consider picking up:
   
   
   
   • Condoms, which both prevent pregnancy and stop the spread of sexually-transmitted infections (STIs). Even if you're on birth control pills and you trust your partner, using a condom can erase any doubts that might make you anxious in the moment. Don't worry about buying anything that's ribbed or extra tricked-out for your first time — just look for the most basic version you can find.
   • Lubricant, the next-best thing you can buy after condoms because it will ease a lot of the pain and prevent vaginal tearing. If you're using latex condoms (which most are),do not use an oil-based lubricant, because they can tear the condom. Instead, opt for a silicone- or water-based lube.
3. 3
   Discuss your concerns with your partner. Having sex with someone you trust can make your first time a lot less nerve-wracking. Your partner should be considerate of your feelings, focused on making sure you have a good experience, and willing to help you through the process. If your potential partner pressures you too much, or if he or she doesn't seem very concerned about how having sex might affect you, maybe it's best to reconsider.
   
   
   
4. 4
   Know what your hymen is. The hymen is a thin membrane that partially covers the vaginal opening, and almost every girl is born with one. It starts to wear away over time due to a variety of activities, such as playing sports, tampon usage, menstruation or normal movement. Here's what you need to know about it as far as losing your virginity is concerned:
   • You probably have a partial hymen. If you're a teenager, chances are that only part of your hymen is left — which is normal, particularly if you've already started having periods. If you want to investigate more, you should be able to see your hymen easily with the help of a flashlight and a hand mirror.
   • If you do bleed, it shouldn't be very much. Any bleeding you experience after losing your virginity should not be on the same level as having a period. Instead, it should only be light spotting for a few hours after. Some girls won't bleed at all.
   • Breaking your hymen shouldn't be overwhelmingly painful. Actually, if you do experience pain during your first time, it's probably because you're not used to the feeling of penetration and you're clenching up your muscles — not because your hymen has nerve endings (spoiler: it doesn't). The good news is, although you can't control your hymen tearing, you can control how relaxed you are.
5. 5
   Get acquainted with how you're angled. If you can help your partner ease into you at the correct angle, you'll avoid some potentially painful fumbling. Most girls aren't straight up and down, but instead angled back toward the spine or forward toward the belly button — both directions are normal.
   • If you regularly use tampons, you're one step ahead. Take note of how you approach inserting a tampon, and try to recreate that same angle when you're starting to have penetrative sex.
   • If you don't use tampons or haven't otherwise engaged in any vaginal penetration, it's probably a good idea to figure it out before you have sex. Try using tampons on your next period, or inserting a finger next time you're in the shower. Aim toward your lower back; if that doesn't feel comfortable, shift forward slightly until you find a point that's comfortable.

While You're Having Sex

1. 1
   Pick a stress-free location. If you're constantly worried about getting caught, you might not have much fun. Make it easier on yourself and your partner by choosing a time and a location where you can be relatively sure you won't be disturbed.
   • Look for privacy, a comfortable surface to lie down on, and a time when you aren't worried about being on a schedule.
2. 2
   Set a relaxing mood. Loosen up by making the atmosphere stress-free. Get rid of any distracting clutter, shut off your phone, and remove anything else that might make you feel nervous or keep you from focusing on your partner.
   
   
   
   • Try some of the tricks that medical offices, dental offices or beauty salons use. Dim lighting, soft music, and warm room temperature are all meant to make you feel safe and comfortable.
   • Consider taking some time to groom yourself beforehand so that you feel relaxed in your own skin. Take a quick shower, use scented lotion, style your hair, or do whatever else makes you feel pretty and confident.
3. 3
   Take your time. Try to think of sex as a marathon, not a sprint, and focus on enjoying your partner without rushing. Instead of worrying about getting right to it, spend time figuring out what you and your partner both enjoy. Start with kissing, move to making out, and stick to whatever pace feels most comfortable for both of you.
   • Here's an extra bonus to doing plenty of foreplay: as you become more aroused, your natural lubrication will increase — making it easier for your partner to enter you painlessly later on.
4. 4
   Communicate with your partner. Try not to be afraid to ask for what you need in the moment — he or she should be more than happy to help you. Slowing down, moving gently, or using more lubrication are all things you could suggest to ease the pain of your first time.
5. 5
   Do some aftercare (optional). If you're really struggling with the pain or experiencing bleeding, try to deal with it before it becomes too aggravating. Take an over-the-counter pain reliever (do not take aspirin if you're under age 19), clean up any blood, and wear a light pad for a few hours.

Tips

• You might get the urge to go to the toilet (be it number one or number two) during sex. It's normal. It will go away after couple of times you have sex.
• Use a condom even if you have another form of birth control if your partner has had sex with someone else before. You can get an STD your very first time. If you don't use birth control at all, you can get pregnant! Don't let something like that ruin your experience.
• Always use a water based lubricant, not Vaseline, oil, moisturizer, or any kind of greasy substance. This can damage latex based condoms and cause irritation and pain.
• If you feel like tonight is not yet "the night", don't be ashamed to postpone it. A caring partner will value how you feel above anything else and will not try to rush you into something you are not ready for. If you change your mind, it is okay to say so!
• No one's first time is absolutely perfect, so leave your expectations at the door. No one will expect you to be a pro.
• If you don't feel very confident about your body, remember that candlelight is always an option, and may feel more romantic and sexier than electric light or complete darkness.
• If you experience excruciating pain or heavy bleeding that lasts for a day or more, see a doctor.
• Consider making an appointment with a gynecologist after you become sexually active.

Warnings

• Don't give in to pressure from your partner. It's your decision, not anyone else's.
• It is possible to get pregnant the first time you have sex. Condoms have one of the highest failure rates among the most common methods of birth control. So if possible, use another form of birth control along with a condom.
• If you are planning on losing your virginity and your partner has had sex with other people, carefully consider that sexually transmitted infections (all STDs are STIs) are a serious matter. STIs are spread through vaginal, anal, and oral intimacy. You can have an STI and never know, and pass it on to others too. You can decrease your changes of getting an STD by using condoms, dental dams, and other barrier methods. For more information, see the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention website.
• Don't drink or take any kind of drug out of fear of pain. It could make it much worse.
• If you take birth control pills and are taking other medications such as a antibiotic, this can alter the effects of your birth control. You should always consult your doctor before starting any medications along with your birth control to see if there will be any negative effects.

Things You'll Need

• A silicone- or water-based lubricant (recommended)
• Male or female condoms and another form of birth control (strongly recommended)